Bad Online Display Advertising III

David Fernandez | Modern Marketing : Branding : Display Advertising

Company:

Nordstrom

Target Market:

Women who aren’t sure if they want “Free People” or “Free Shipping”

Ad:

I’d like to welcome back my regular readers – all 15 of you – to our regularly scheduled programing.  I’m taking a break from my hard-hitting journalism to bring you what you demand: irreverent dissection of the work put together by over-paid ad execs that have clearly been sniffing too much nail polish remover.

The victim of my normal-human-brain analysis is Nordstrom and the gem of a marketing campaign called “Free People.” Seriously folks, you better get on this now because after spring you won’t be able to “Free People.”

I can Free People and still look confused

The Problem with the Message:

My thought process when seeing this ad:

“Jackpot! This is perfect for my next article.”

Then, I thought: “This is too good to be true. Let’s give Nordstrom the benefit of the doubt. I’m sure Nordstrom must be donating proceeds to some charitable organization of some kind like the Invisible Children”

So I click on the ad eagerly waiting to see some sort of partnership campaign like GAP’s “RED.” Nope. By “Free People” they mean “Rich Hipsters.” Ok, so are the clothes free? No, the clothes are definitely not free.  Huh?

What they are trying to Say:

If you are still recovering from the ill effects of LSD usage in your misspent 20’s then the message is perfectly clear: Wear expensive clothing that looks inexpensive and tattered to free the inner you.

Where do I pickup my free person?

Do you ever get the urge to “catch a falling star?” Have you considered the size of a falling star? Besides the Armageddon that would ensue, this would end tragically.

The teenage Asian or Latino children responsible for stitching this clothing together are probably the only people part of this product life-cycle that need to be “freed.”

I don’t know about you but if I woke up and did not see the sun, I’d just go back to bed. Then when the sun finally came out, I’d point and laugh at anyone wearing teal denim shorts with a riddled sweater.

Nothing says "free spirit" like dilapidated teal denim shorts

Did you just come into a lot of money but still want to look like trailer trash? For the low price of just $68 these tattered teal trailer park denim shorts can be in your dresser. Shipping? Ha, this is the “Free People Line.”

Are you kind of cold, even when it’s hot? Do you not check the weather because you are a free-spirit? Do you like to be totally ignored by available men? Then we have the perfect sweater for you:

**Woman Sold Separately**

- David Fernandez

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If you liked this post please check out: Online Display Advertising… Gone Bad

Working Through Retirement? This is a Better Idea…

Company:

Wells Fargo

Target Market:

Workaholics, this ad is for you. Do you ever say to yourself “hey (insert your name here), where do you want to work when you retire?” If the answer is a laugh, a snort, a small giggle or you had to reread that last line just to make sure this author isn’t out of his mind (he is) then join the party. If you actually had an answer to that question, then find someone to high-five. If you cannot find someone to high-five, chances are bleak that you can, then give yourself a hug.

The Problem with the Message:

The conversation between the advertising minds behind this ad:

Ad Guy #1: Hey, I got it – Pie charts. Everyone loves pie…uh, charts.

Ad Guy #2: That’s a good one – no one is expecting that. We need to mix it up

Ad Guy #3: Right. Let’s see (scratches head). I really hate flying and… working

(all laugh an eerily synchronized baritone laugh)

Ad Guy #1: You know what’s worse? Working for free

Ad Guy #2: Check. Oh, and teaching – that’s almost working for free.

Ad Guy #3: Now, we’re on to something – damn, look at the time! I’ve got to have dinner with the in-laws.

Ad Guy #1: That’s ok. I think we are done here (big grin)

This pocket protector is to remind me: I’m working

Ok, maybe I’m missing the “whole” picture here. I realize that retirement should be spent in a productive manner but this is silly. I’m no mathematician but I know a lot about pies. This particular pie breaks down as follows:

25%: Starting a business = Work

25%: Teaching = Work

16.66% = Volunteering = Working for free

16.66% = Visiting Family = This one could go either way, depending on your family

16.66% = Fly = If you have the money, motor skill and eyesight to do it – go for it.

This is a utopian idea. I, personally, have a different idea for my retirement – as many of us do. We will get to that momentarily. The reality is: because of poor financial situations the average American is working later into their twilight years. For the real breakdown of the modern retiree, See below:

Now I'm having fun!

I’m here to tell you: Dream on dreamers. Don’t let your retirement be a pie chart and a pocket protector. You’ve spent your entire life waiting for it. Enjoy it, you deserve it. You don’t need a private plane, snotty copy and pasters (college kids) – don’t have the finances? Look into Central America. Make those kids of yours that got the opportunity to set up 401k’s at 18 years old visit you. Want to volunteer, that’s great. I firmly believe in giving back but don’t go get yourself hurt framing homes on muddy slopes of third-world countries. Maybe I’m just overprotective but I don’t want to see my mom and dad hopping into the cockpit of Cessna.

What would your pie chart look like? (Now, this is a good marketing program). Fill in your own pie chart. Here is mine:

BOOM!

- Dedicated to my retired mother and father. I love you guys but seriously: when are you going to fly that Cessna over here to visit?

Online Display Advertising… Gone Bad

The Galaxy Note: Phone? Tablet? Both

Target Market:

Relationship-hungry and slightly off-kilter women

The Ad:

Distributed by AdChoices: Yes AOL still exists. AOL is like the bad guy in a scary movie – they never die.

The Problem with the Message:

So here, we have a birthday party – a very lonely, two-person birthday party. The gentleman is holding a rose while the woman is reaching for it with her “Rebecca Lobo” fingers. If you look very closely, it may very well be Rebecca Lobo’s hand. It does not look like that hand and shoulder are connecting or have a matching skin tone.  Hand model?

Did you draw that hand in there too?

It looks as though our lovely woman had a little too much time on her hand. She pulls out her Samsung “Phonelet” (Phone – Tablet; you heard it here first) and pen and starts doing a little day-dreaming. Her lonely birthday clearly needed some upgrades. A doodle here and a doodle there and voila you just instantly upgraded that lonely birthday picture into – an anniversary?

Why don't you draw some friends in there?

So our lovely lady takes this a step further. She inscribes the pictures with “I ‘heart’ you more than ever!” Oh boy. Have you informed your boyfriend that you guys are engaged, then married, have two children named after fruits and a puppy named loco?

This phone is way cheaper than an engagement party!

The following takes place after our lovely woman posts the altered photograph to Facebook and tags our unsuspecting fellow.