As a business consultant for one of the nation’s leading web design companies I get the gracious opportunity to chat with the foundation of the American economy – the small business. If by some miraculous reason you have stumbled across this post, keep reading – this one’s going to be fun. I’d like to take this opportunity to share with you, in generalities, some of the conversations I have on a day-to-day basis with the small businesses of America.
Me: So Earl, I’m taking a look at your website and…. Um…. Well, I was curious to see if you have been keeping it up-to-date?
What I really mean: Earl, what were you thinking, man? This is awful. My Three-year-old could do better than that.
Earl: What do you mean?
Me: Did you do this yourself?
What I really mean: You’ve got to be kidding. Seriously, Earl – this is your business? I know you’re not making any money online…. And I know you’re about to tell me your customer’s don’t find you online.
Earl: I don’t need a new website. My customers don’t find me online (ha!).
Me: Let me be honest with you Earl. They are looking for you but they will never find you.
What I really mean: Duh. If this was my website, I wouldn’t even visit it.
Earl: My customer’s already know me (Generic statement #1)
Me: In order to capture the market share available online you not only need a strong presence but you need the right search engine optimization to be found.
What I really mean: Earl, You really think the whole world knows you? I don’t even know the name of my next-door neighbor.
Earl: I’ve got to go, I’m in a meeting (Generic statement #2, my personal favorite)
Me: I understand you’re busy, I’ll be brief.
What I really mean: We’ve been talking for 5 minutes. What type of meeting are you in that you can take a phone call? You think I’m reciting a script? Listen to yourself. Any more generic statements you would like throw this way?
Earl: I’m not interested (Jackpot! Generic statement #3 – is that the best you can do?)
Me: What is it you’re not interested in?
What I really mean: I’m not sure you are listening to one word I am saying.
Earl: I know you’re just doing your job but I can’t talk right now, I have a meeting in 5 minutes
Me: I understand. But….
What I really mean: Huh? I thought you were in a… Oh geez, I think you might be bothering me more than I’m bothering you. Touché sir – well done.
Earl: I can’t talk right now – I’ve gotta go, Mark
Me: Have a good day, my name is David by the way
Earl: Ok, Mark – Hanging up now