Asshole Vs Dicks

22 Feb

Asshole vs Dicks

Who is an asshole? I am an asshole for taking the time to write such a ridiculous article.

To make things easy:

Asshole: Someone who doesn’t know what the fuck is going on.

Dick: knows what’s going on but doesn’t give a fuck.

Women are the number one offenders of the misuse of the words asshole and dick. Let’s get into a few examples ladies.

At the club:

Your boyfriend dances with himself at a nightclub. He’s an asshole

Your boyfriend dances with another chick at the night club, he’s a dick.

In the car:

Someone has a turn signal on but isn’t turning. They are an asshole.

Someone cuts you off in their car. They are a dick.

A car is driving slowly in the fast lane. This is an asshole.

Someone parks in handicapped parking but isn’t handicapped. This is a dick move.

At the store:

Someone holds up the line because they have to go get something they forgot. Asshole

Someone holds up the line because they can’t decide if they want Orbitz or Stride gum. Asshole

*Someone who holds up any line is generally an asshole.

On a date:

The guy doesn’t open the door, pull out your chair…etc. Asshole

They guy has money but pretends he left his wallet at home. Dick

Guy talks about his ex-girlfriends. Asshole

Guy shows pictures of his ex-girlfriend. Dick

Work:

You hit on the Human Resources lady. You’re an asshole

You pull out your cock on a coworker’s keyboard. You’re a dick

You come into work on your day off. Asshole

You give your boss a Starbucks gift card with $0 on it. Hilarious dick move

Keep in mind that women can be assholes too.  Now we are going to test the knowledge you have acquired.

Quiz:

1)      You name your kid North West.  Asshole or dick?

-          This is a trick question. This can go either way

2)      Taking the change out of a homeless person’s cup. Asshole or dick?

-          This is a dick move

3)      You don’t know the difference between your and you’re. Asshole or dick?

-          This makes you an asshole

Here are some examples of legendary assholes:

Image

Family Guy Asshole

Image

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia Assholes

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Blue Mountain State Assholes

You are an asshole if you read this whole thing.  

Introducing www.blinja.com (not the city in Croatia)

27 Jun

Content Creation Jacksonville, FL

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4 Apr

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Why Use a Direct Hire Recruiter?

4 Apr

Why Use A Direct Hire Recruiter?

Let’s not beat around the bush – The cost of hiring an employee who isn’t a match for the work “culture” can be detrimental to the bottom line. If you, like most HR employees or hiring managers, are living at this bottom line than heed these words carefully: Use a third party for direct hire.

If that’s not good enough then let’s break it down a little more: If you fail 3 times to hire a direct hire employee for a position that doesn’t require flipping burgers then your hiring manager is going to blame HR. HR is then going to blame the pay rate and the pay rate has no say in the matter. So, regardless of how little you had to do with the “hard cost” of doing business – the blame falls on you.

Wheres the uniform??? This isn't going to work out - call the unemployment attorney

Whether you are a chairman of SHRM (Society of Human Resources Management) or the Director of Direct Hire for a large corporation, medium-sized business or mom-and-pop-shop then you need to understand a very basic principle: Paying 15% of 1 year’s salary to match the perfect job with the perfect candidate is pocket change compared to the cost of paying out three-times the annual salary of an employee that doesn’t pan out.

Sometimes things don't work out for other reasons

The Problem:

The first quarter of 2012 has come to an abrupt end. Many of us in the field of Human Resources are asking ourselves “what the heck just happened.” You know us HR folk, are always underappreciated – and underpaid. The numbers are astounding. The only question you should be asking yourself is: “How am I going to capture the most talented individuals when demand is so high?”

How do you get ahold of the professional and business services sector that has exploded in the past year by 1.2 million? You either better get yourself a really good salesman or AJO Associates.

What are you doing about this?

 

Every Human Resource specialist has been in a position like this:

Hiring Manager: “Hey, Nancy (fictitious name to protect the identity of our HR person): I’m going to need you to fill a position for a direct hire.

Nancy: Sure, what do you have for me?  (Nancy gives a big fake grin)

The hiring manager drops a job description for a direct hire on a pile of unsorted job applications and unread updates on HR regulation changes.

Job Description:

1)      Must be a genius in (­Insert Field Here)

2)      Doctorate in (Insert Field Here)

3)      Fluent in: English, Spanish, Japanese, Sign Language and Pig Latin

4)      Has to be exceptional in:  Sales, Operations, Makreting and a background in engineering

(So Nancy ignores the typo and keeps reading)

5)      At least 125 years of experience in Packaging Science

6)      Must be “polished”

7)      Salary: $15,700

Nancy: (Thinking: LOL) Okay, I’ll check the database and see what I can come up with.

Hiring Manager: I appreciate ya! (Thinking: If she comes up with this one, I’m going to have to promote her).

Hey hiring manager! Nancy has a lot on her plate. Besides having to staff for the new sales training class, retention training class, Marketing Manager (this one should be easy) and Director of Account Management you just dropped this purple squirrel on her desk. Common now, give Nancy a break and call AJO & Associates.     

The Solution:

Regardless of how well established a company may or may not be, no one wants to carry the burden of a sofa on their back – even if it’s IKEA’s light weight sofa, it still takes a toll. Let’s take a glance into the day of recruiter:

8am: Calls from candidates

8:30: Calls hiring managers

9am: Come into work

10am: Geez, is anyone going to ask me how my day is going?

11am: Job Fair announcement

12:00-12:05: Lunch

12:03 – 3:45: (Damn, lunch got interrupted again) Interviews

3:35 – 3:38: Break!

I’ll take a break when I die – or have a mental breakdown

3:38 – 5:00: interviews

 

5:00: Going home… Oh, nope…

5:00 – undetermined: Looking for a Packing Engineer with 125 years of experience , polished, with a Doctorate that speaks pig Latin (Ugh, this is going to be a long night)

In the world of Human Resources the direct hire is always a gamble. Even with advent of the “recruiter.” What you, as a direct hire management needs to do is call AJO Associates.

Not Just Lip Service

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